A Father’s Journey Toward Understanding Autistic Ezra

In the beginning, Max is grappling with a range of emotions that many parents will recognize—guilt, fear, and uncertainty. Divorced from his ex-wife Jenna, he feels like he’s failing Ezra simply by not being always there. His guilt fuels his desire to “do more” for his son, but traditional ideas of fatherhood shape his vision of what “doing more” looks like.

Max is a father who grew up in a world where being a dad meant teaching your children how to play ball, pass on life lessons, and prepare them for an independent future. But Ezra, who is non-verbal and lives in a world of sensory sensitivities and rigid routines, doesn’t fit into Max’s idea of what parenting should be. For Max, it’s not just about teaching Ezra—it’s about feeling like he matters to his son.

Psychologically, Max is battling two forces. On one hand, he’s determined to be a better father than his own. On the other, he feels out of his depth with Ezra’s autism, as if there’s an invisible wall between them that he can’t break down. He wants a connection, but he doesn’t know how to get there.

Max’s initial attempts to connect with Ezra feel strained. For instance, Max, may try to engage Ezra in an activity he thinks will be fun and meaningful, only to watch as Ezra disengages or focuses entirely on a small object instead. For Max, moments like these feel like rejection, though they’re not. Ezra isn’t rejecting Max—he’s simply interacting with the world in his own way.

These moments leave Max feeling helpless, as though no matter how much he tries, he’ll never be able to reach his son. His frustration grows, not because he doesn’t love Ezra, but because he does. His need to connect is so strong that every failed attempt feels like proof that he’s falling short.

There’s a particularly moving scene where Max watches another father playing catch with his son. It’s a small, quiet moment, but the envy and sadness on Max’s face say everything. He wants to have that kind of bond with Ezra, but he doesn’t know how.

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The essence of the film is in Max’s realization that connecting with Ezra isn’t about changing him or pulling him into Max’s world—it’s about stepping into Ezra’s. This shift begins when Max stops trying to force traditional father-son activities and instead starts paying attention to what brings Ezra comfort and joy.

At first, Max’s frustration stems from his belief that Ezra isn’t engaging with him in the “right” way. But over time, Max notices the unique ways Ezra interacts with his environment—how he finds rhythm in routines, comfort in repetition, and meaning in details that others might overlook. What initially feels like a barrier between them becomes something Max learns to embrace.

This marks a quiet but powerful shift in Max’s approach. Instead of trying to mold Ezra into his idea of a son, Max starts to see the value in the moments they share, no matter how small or unconventional they might seem. His turning point isn’t a dramatic epiphany but a gradual change grounded in small, consistent efforts to listen, observe, and let go of the need for their relationship to look a certain way. Through these choices, Max truly sees Ezra for who he is.

Max’s motives as a father are shaped by his own unresolved feelings about his past. Throughout the film, it’s clear that Max’s determination to connect with Ezra is partly fueled by his own childhood wounds. His father was distant, emotionally unavailable, and quick to dismiss Max’s childhood struggles. Max is terrified of repeating that pattern with Ezra.

But there’s also a layer of insecurity at play. Max feels he’s already failed Ezra by not being around enough after the divorce. He believes that if he can “breakthrough” to Ezra, he’ll somehow redeem himself as a father and a man.

What Max ultimately wants isn’t just to feel close to Ezra. He wants to feel like he’s doing right by his son. But as the story unfolds, Max realizes that doing right by Ezra doesn’t mean fixing or changing him. It means being present, patient, and willing to learn.

By the film's end, Max and Ezra’s relationship isn’t transformed in some dramatic, Hollywood-style way. Instead, it’s defined by small, meaningful changes. Max learns to embrace the moments of connection that might look insignificant to others—a shared glance, a quiet laugh, or simply sitting together in silence.

The real transformation happens within Max. He lets go of the idea that being a good father means teaching Ezra how to fit into the world. Instead, he realizes that his role is to love and support Ezra exactly as he is, and to adapt himself to Ezra’s needs rather than vice versa.

This shift in perspective doesn’t just help Max connect with Ezra—it helps Max find peace within himself. By accepting his son, Max also begins to forgive himself for the mistakes he’s made as a father.

Ezra (2023) is a deeply personal story about a father’s love and the lengths he’ll go to to connect with his son. It’s not a film about grand gestures or life-changing breakthroughs—it’s about the quiet, everyday work of showing up, even when it feels like you’re not getting it right.

For Max, fatherhood becomes less about achieving the kind of bond he imagined and more about learning to appreciate the bond he already has. In the process, Ezra offers a powerful reminder: love isn’t about fixing someone or making them fit into your world—it’s about stepping into theirs and seeing them for who they indeed are.